Pity the Exclamation Point

It's not the fault of this particular punctuation mark that it resembles someone leaping with joy. If the period is a stop sign, as we're taught in first grade, then the comma is it's coy cousin, with an appendage resembling the thumb of a carnival barker, saying, "More to come, folks, right this way." Following this line of thought, we have the semicolon, which Kurt Vonnegut described as a hermaphrodite. This is a just description, as it doesn't really know what it is. By all rights, we should be in a new sentence following the use of one; alas, we're not. It's more fully formed relation the colon is more useful, but less controversial, and hence less fun. It points the way to lists, examples, etc. but its presence is never in doubt, stylistically.

The question mark is pure bliss, as punctuation, because its use is never, um, questionable. Its very appearance is that of someone saying, "huh?" In a comic book, when a dialogue bubble holds only a question mark, one knows exactly what the character is trying to express. It is also possible to increase the intensity of one's question by using multiple question marks, a practice accepted colloquially, but not by any English teacher I've ever had.

Of course, if one is to use more than one question mark, it is usually accented by at least one of those exuberant people jumping for joy.

?!?

Yes, that's it. Here's a new idea. If you're going to use the above to end a sentence, why not just say, "What the fuck?" and be direct?

This brings me to my larger point, which is the overuse of the one who leaps in ever day communication. I have not seen as many exclamation points used so closely together in, say, Facebook status updates or online comments sections, or say, the outcome of...I don't know...an election, since second grade. There are those emails that could be mistaken for the High School Musical series:

i can't wait to see the dark knight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's looks so great but too bad about heath!!!!!!!!!

or

can't make saturday but would love to see u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have to stay in because of difficulty with bowels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't mean to come down on people's lack of grammitical consideration. I do think a person should state clearly at the beginning of an email that he or she is having a stroke, or an orgasm, or both. It's only fair, and it may aid in getting the sender the medical attention they so obviously need.

O, would the work but heed my advice!