Finding Myself (On Google Images)

I'm not above the occasional jaunt into self-obsession; in fact, that's how I spend most of my waking hours (and all of my sleeping hours). So a while ago, I thought I'd check my standing in the infinite. Internet. Whatever.

I've looked myself up many a time before, to no avail. It doesn't really surprise me. Other than my meager presence on imdb, I haven't really done anything internet-worthy. I can count on one hand the number of people who link to this blog, so that doesn't raise my profile on Google Idol. And oddly, I've been featured in an online publication with a smiling photo and caption stating my name. I'm not sure how this could happen, but that might entail leaving the apartment. I'll start doing that tomorrow.

In any event, here are some examples of what I found.

First of all, there's the famous two sport UCLA Bruin Matt McKinney:

I first heard of this asshole a couple of years ago, when I was engaged in a similar quest (Googling myself, that is, not playing collegiate sports.) Now that we live in the same town, I think it would be easy to walk around UCLA's campus and pretend to be my athletic doppleganger. All I'll need is a pair of one foot stilts (easy), a trenchcoat (thrift store) and a prop (Bruins penant). Here's an artist's rendering:


There are others, as well. This guy, for example, was a Warrior of Month in December 2005:

I think if I was in a similar position, I'd make a similar face.

Then there's this Matt. He's a member of the Charleston Ballet:

Some further searching revealed his less balletic side:

Yikes.

Unfortunately, my presence starts to decline after page two. Lots of false matts and disparate mckinney's find their way into the mix. As the results bottomed out, though, I found one that I absolutely could not explain:



I can only posit that this is the last known photo of some poor Matt McKinney, after he was tragically eaten by a fox.