Stupid Bowl

A lone Clydesdale gallops (or is that a trot?) into a pristine stable, peers lovingly into a black and white photo of other Clydesdales and then pushes a cart full of Budweiser out into the autumn air with his snout, so that people like me and imbibe them and expel the copious amounts of Velveeta Shells 'n Cheese they've eaten for dinner.

If you've continued reading to here, you've understood that I'm watching the Super Bowl XL. It's already well into the third quarter, so perhaps I'll note my impressions of this extra large game to this point and beyond.

--Number one on my hit list: "breaking the plane". Pittsburgh scores its first touchdown, not by physically putting the ball into the endzone, but by relying on the principles of physics. It seems that if fig. A, "the ball", crosses the y axis at any point while still in the physical plane, it's a touchdown. It could also be said that
"if the ball sees the endzone's shadow, there will be six points and six more weeks of winter."
"if the ball sniffs the endzone's butt, you get a litter of six points, and six puppies."
"if the ball allows the endzone free elections, you get a touchdown and a right wing Islamic party." (Notice my knowledge of current events).

--Now here's a good commercial, giant bot and giant monster make sweet love while destroying a city. A cross between Rampage and the Schwarzenegger movie "Junior".

--You might as well face it, you're addicted to "Lost". It's true. I've never seen the show, but I'm addicted to the thought of being addicted to "Lost." And poor Robert Palmer: when will they let that man rest in peace?

--The Stones. "Superbowl! Once you Superbowl, you never stop, never stop, never never never stop. Superbowl!"

--The new Gillette Fusion. I have to hand it Gillette. They have such brand recognition for their ridiculous ads, that the second I saw a CG helicopter making it's way to a secret base in the middle of the desert, I knew it was a Gilette commercial. And that was before I saw how they developed the razor by combining blue and red power tubes....I guess that much is obvious.

--Tim Allen in "The Shaggy Dog". I think they should show him taking a shit. I don't know why.

--I feel bad for the companies that pay millions for Super Bowl commercial time, and then just play one of their old commercials. It's kinda sad, like the kids in grade school who showed up for picture day in their uniforms. Poor bastards.

--It's the fourth quarter now, which means that the most high profile commercials have already played and I'm watching the game just to keep up this blog. It seems like the commercials have been pretty lackluster so far.--CHECK THAT. Emerald Nuts. That was awesome. "Little druids networking under the stairs"? SWEET!

--Paul McCartney. Did he already play the Super Bowl? If he hasn't, he should, and he should play: "Superbowl! Once you superbowl you never stop..."

--Touchdown to Heinz Ward. Seems like the Steelers are going to win now. Whatever. At least it didn't involve any algorithms.

--The World Baseball Classic. Roger Clemens will be there for his country, will I be there for mine? Actually yes. Long story.

--The worst thing about the Super Bowl is that you watch the game and then just go to bed. You just watch "Grey's Anatomy" and go to bed.

--Now it's the end of the game, when teams do ridiculous things to try to stop the clock, even though they'll never, ever win. This time was particularly bad. Oh well. Maybe the Stones will do another song. Superbowl!